I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
