end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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