My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
