We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize