I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
