New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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