I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
