make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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