Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
