Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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