There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
