BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
