I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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