do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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