Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
