I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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