I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
