Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
