You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
