unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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