i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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