I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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