He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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