Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
