loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
