I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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