We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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