happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
