walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
