She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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