i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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