I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
