Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
