this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
