There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
