I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize