Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
