Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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