is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize