the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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