First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
His nipple licking is glorious
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