we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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