I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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