dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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