Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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