Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
