i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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