Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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