break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
