fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
