That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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