wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
