just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
