Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
soo... how was my night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
