Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
