i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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