you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
