i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
