My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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