Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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