WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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