he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
