new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
